Sam thinks you suck

I've met you. I've seen the parking. I've read the texts. I've waited at the restaurant. I'm not angry. I'm not disappointed. I've just reached a conclusion. You suck. Not at everything. At the things listed below, specifically, and with real commitment. This page exists so I don't have to keep saying it out loud.

Sam thinks you suck at

Parking

Two spaces. Every time.

Replying

"k". That's it. That's the reply.

Taking a hint

Several. All missed.

Being on time

The invite said 7.

Splitting the bill

The Venmo request is still pending.

Reading the room

The room left.